Holiday Weight

Well, I've gained 8 pounds in the month of December. An accumulation of finals, my birthday, Christmas and New Years has caused me to gain weight. Now I have to work extra hard to burn of the extra poundage. My body is stretching, like my breasts are stretching :(

I'm fat

I still feel like I am fat, the girl who was 20 pounds heavier, the girl who looked horrible in a bikini. I have spurts where I feel skinny and I look gorgeous, but the majority of the time I just feel like I'm just a huge whale. I don't know if this is normal for someone to feel this way. I've worked so hard to lose this weight and maybe this "fat mentality" is the reason why I still see my personal trainer. I hope there's a day where I don't feel fat anymore because this seriously sucks.

Dear boys out there, do not ever tell or imply to your girlfriend that she's fat. It'll just mess with her confidence and you'll break her beyond repair.

In other news, I'm down to 19.5% body fat this month!

Injury #1

This summer I planned on being more active, so I played tennis with a dodge ball team mate. It's been about four years since the last time I have played tennis so I was a bit rusty. I forgot that you're not supposed to be using your wrists for your shots, but rather your arm. This was back in early June where my wrists felt sore. In the meantime, I'm at the gym doing my thing ... you know planks, mountain climbers, modified pushups and I just couldn't shake the feeling off. I felt weak and I was about to cry because my trainer had to modify my exercises. I hate it when she has to do it, but in the end its for my own good.

I went to see my doctor about it twice and the second time around she concluded that I have in fact sprained my wrists; that means I can't use my wrists for two weeks!!! I'm so upset about this because I really wanted to tone my arms!!! @!$@#%$@%@# So for now I can only work out my core and legs, which is good I guess since I want my thighs to be more trimmed down. I'm still upset though ... but this will make me stronger in the end

I actually look AMAZING

Left - July 2009, Right - June 2010

Okay, I look so good!! After a lot of hard work, I finally I wore a bikini out in public again after losing the weight and working out after I lost the 15 pounds. I was at 28% body fat in September 2009 and I'm at 21% body fat this month. I am amazing!

Let's Work It

Since my last post, my boyfriend and I broke up. During that time I lost another 5 lbs, leaving me at a measly 118 pounds. My mother had to force feed me food actually it was that bad. This was back in April, that was the worst month of my life.

I've gone back to my personal trainer on a weekly basis, this time I'm doing this for myself. I should not have lost the weight because someone wanted me to. That was a mistake in itself.

Lack of motivation

My goal after losing the first 15 pounds was to lose another 10 or so pounds by the end of the year. Lately I haven't felt that motivated to lose any weight; maybe it's because I don't see my trainer as much or that I'm swamped with work, school and extracurricular activities. Or this could be it:

Even though I lost the fifteen pounds, my boyfriend doesn't love me more. I thought by losing the weight he'd love me more and feel more attracted to me (that's what got me to exercise). I thought he'd want me more, but he doesn't. I feel rejected by all of this, no one wants me. I may have lost the weight, but I haven't gained an ounce of confidence.

Week - I've lost count

I've reached my goal of losing the fifteen pounds. *does dance* However, I'm not done with this weight loss "program". This is a lifestyle change, not something that I would stop once I lost fifteen pounds. Why? Because I don't want to gain it all back; I felt so disgusting in my own skin and I was starting to get stretch marks everywhere. Plus I want to actually have a beach body this year, I'm twenty-one and I have never worn a bikini confidently. I also like the feeling that my clothes are a lot looser!

I'm going to be honest;

• I don't eat as healthy as I did when I first started. If I want a burger with bacon, I'm going to have it.
• I don't go to the gym as much as I did when I first started, which causes me to feel tired and moody all the time.